Godly womanhood

When our oldest children were small we made the decision to switch positions.  I went out working full-time and my husband was a stay-at-home dad.  During this time our church toddler group decided to do a study together based a book called “A woman after Gods own heart” by Elizabeth George.  I decided to read the book, because I had a bit of FOMO (fear of missing out) and I wanted to be part of the group, but I had dreaded it.  I imagined it would be a cheesy, middle-class suburban housewife text that wouldn’t apply to me as a full time working mum and family breadwinner at all.  However, I ended up being pleasantly surprised…

One benefit I gained from reading this book was that in many ways it restored my sense of womanhood.  When I first went back to work full time it seemed like a good practical solution, but the challenges were real.  Something that benefited us both in those early years was to acknowledge that despite many people describing it as such, it was not a role-reversal.  He has never been a working mum and I have never been a stay-at-home dad.  I enjoyed the book study because it was actually a relief for me to recognise that I was still the woman of the house and I was still Mum.  There are biblical truths that stand true for us as women regardless of circumstances.  It wasn’t my circumstances that were / are my stumbling block to godly womanhood, but my attitude.  It is also good to recognise that a man’s position as head of the home is a God given privilege and responsibility, it is not bought or earned in any way and isn’t lost or demised along with a pay packet.  There are after all many reasons a man may not be able to earn a living (ill health, redundancy, retirement) and none of them make him less of a man.  How we interact with and respond to him as such is relevant.

What we had done was change where the family income was coming from, but we hadn’t changed our gender or what Gods expectations were of us as a man and woman.  You can love your wife as Christ loved the church from the kitchen.  You can submit to your husband from your desk.  It is probably worth noting that the opposite is also true.  You can fail to love your wife with your large salary and you can fail to submit to your husband from the kitchen.

That being said, I probably wouldn’t recommend the set up to a friend!  Just saying that it doesn’t make godly womanhood impossible.  Nor does any other set of circumstances.  There aren’t any excuses.  The only condition on striving for Godly womanhood is that you are a woman.

How do you become more Godly?  By spending time with God.  Read the bible and pray regularly.  It’s hard to find a single verse that would describe Godly womanhood in a nutshell.  Reading the bible as a whole and reading many stories involving many women will give you a feel for how a Godly women behaves.  There will be someone you can identify with.  Sarah was married, Ruth was widowed, Mary was single, Esther was a concubine.  There is no substitute for time and it’s in spending time with God that you’ll start to understand Gods character and how he works, the way he thinks and in particular how you as a woman fit in to the story and how God will use you differently to men.

It seems clear to me that women are not built for the front lines.  The closest to it is Deborah, but even then her primary role as a prophetess was to tell a man to go to the front lines.  She shouldn’t have needed to be there herself.  As a consequence of Barak taking Deborah with him God told them the ultimate victory would go to a woman and it did, but not to a woman on the front line.  Victory went to a woman who cared well for her home and even when Jael killed Sisera with a tent peg – she went softly.  Those little details are not irrelevant.  Jesus had women friends, but none of them were among the 12 called to pioneer the church.  Yes, Mary was the first to discover that Jesus was no longer in the grave, but the first thing she did with that information (on instruction from the Angel and Jesus) was go and tell the disciples.  It was the men that then lead the way in taking the message into the world.  The great commission was given to the men.

The practical outworking of Godly womanhood will look different for every woman.  If a wife submits to her husband then a godly wife will look as different as every man who has a wife does.  She will respond to his needs and wants and to Gods calling on his life.  Single woman are not exempt from the call to godliness, so it will look practically different for them again. 

But there is a heart posture that remains the same for each and every woman, a quiet and gentle heart, a heart that follows, a heart that serves, a heart that trusts God even when life is scary.  A godly woman thinks about God all day, every day and allows her knowledge of him to influence her actions, her decision making, her reactions.

A few practical thoughts….

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:22-24

Stay At Home Wife or Working Wife

Is your husband happy with the current arrangement?  Did your decision to stay at home or work or how much to work take into account his thoughts or views?  Has he offered any direction that you have or have not followed?

Regardless of what you do through the day, do you seek his direction on any matter and how gladly do you follow it?

Single Women

Even as a single woman you can influence a culture of male leadership.  Perhaps consider encouraging men to organise things or asking men visitors to say Grace.  Offer words of encouragement to men who are stepping out.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, ⁴ and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Titus 2:3-5

Stay at home wife

It seems like it might be easy to follow this passage if you are a full time at home wife, but there are risks.  For one thing there might be more time for slander!  Also, in this modern era where women at home are not necessarily valued it could be tempting to fill time up with all sorts of noble sounding activities in a bid to give ourselves value.

Those activities, of course, are noble.  We just need to remember our primary focus is to please God first and then our husbands. 

We don’t want to reach our community at the expense of our home.

Working wife

The only thing that is a bit tricky here is the “working at home” bit.  But I don’t think this means you can’t leave the home.  The Proverbs 31 woman bought a field and worked it.  It’s just that home is your primary focus and career goals (even church career goals) don’t usurp the home you are building.  Whatever you do check if it’s for the ultimate benefit of your home and family.

Single woman

The good news is that even as a single – you will still get old.  This stuff applies to you.  You can love other peoples children, you can encourage male leadership.

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

1 Peter 3:4

All women

There is no difference.  All women can strive for this and present it wherever they may be, home, church, workplace, social events.

likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, ¹⁰ but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. ¹¹ Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.

1 Timothy 2:9-11

All women

All women can behave appropriately in church.   

You get the idea…..